I want to have your abortion
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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