Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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