i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
