My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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