instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
