well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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