dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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