I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
