I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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