if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
