I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
