Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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