Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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