Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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