You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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