i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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