she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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