I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize