you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
