can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
