what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
