Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
