we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
