Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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