Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
