I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize