Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
