I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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