youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
