1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Drunk is not a location!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
