My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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