I skipped work to stalk him.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
