i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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