The maid of honor just puked.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
be right there i have to get my cape
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize