she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
