Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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