You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
