Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
