I puked a lego.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
