Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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