Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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