So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
