She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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