I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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