Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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