You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
