The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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