i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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