im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
