five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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