bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
