Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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