And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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