Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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