Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
