my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
a search helicopter?!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
