What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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