Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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