I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
