i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
