Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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