I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
