I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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