why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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