How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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