I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize