:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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