I wannas sexs uuuuu
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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