I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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