I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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