maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
