i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
