Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
