Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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