also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
