I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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